3:17am

 Around this time I'm always in my thoughts. I fall in love and out of love like a light switch. I wonder is it all real and I just have such a big heart. Or is it all fake and I never knew what real love is? People say all the time that feelings aren't fact but they are real. Honestly what the fuck?!?! It's like I have no clue what to think. I'm wrong if I lean on my own understanding because that means I'm not leaning on God like I should. I'm spiraling and I have no idea where I'm going to land. I make no sense to myself sometimes. Like everything in my life could be going and here I am worried about a man. Don't get me wrong I'm overly sick of my shit. Apart just fiens to be seen by someone. Anyway before I get to far gone let's talk about why I decided to blog again....... Welp you guessed it's bout a fucking man. I realized that I only fall hard for dudes who don't like me as much as I like them and they don't require to be better. I'm in love with my male friend and he's still hung up over his ex. I keep telling myself that I'll get over it like I always do but every time I'm around him I fall in love again. I know he's not good for me but that doesn't make him a bad person. He still looks out for me, he makes me smile, he listens to all the crazy stories but I know one day it'll end. It doesn't make things easier with the fact that we keep going head for head but you know a girl has needs. I think I'm gonna end alone if I keep taking this path of chaos and I mean not just romantic relationships but friendships to.

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