Marriage or Kids

 It's crazy how now there's an either or. My parents have been married my whole life but are nowhere near a couple to look up to. When I was younger, I thought I'd be married and on my first or second kid by now. It's crazy how naive we are to the world as children, but I'd kill to have that same enthusiasm as I did when I was a child. Then after growing up a little bit; I don't remember the exact age but somewhere around my teens I lost hope that there are genuinely good men in this world. Even as a child I saw that my father wasn't a good man but everyone else thought so because of the mask he wore in public. So, when I became a teenager and experienced my first heartbreak I felt as though that just confirmed my theory that man should fully be trusted. Although I built up a resentment for men a small part of me still believed in love but why? When I have seen time and time again how people can hurt you. This brings to the question at hand, marriage or kids? I really want both somewhere deep in me actually feels incomplete without it. Unlike other generations where the older generation pressure you into being a mother and a wife, this generation of elders don't pressure you. In a way I think it's good and bad because there's so many women, I see having babies with men they're not married to. Now I understand that's what some people are comfortable with but when I think of that life for myself, I can't stomach it. I've fun in the couple years I've been in my twenties but yearn to nurture a child and my husband. I don't want my child to grow up in a broken family but at the same I time I don't want my child to grow up like me. I want them to see that their parents actually love each other and how to work through differences in a healthy way but if I can't provide that than I will not have kids. After a certain development in life (I won't say age because maturity does not come with age) everything you do is intentional. Which brings to the topic of marriage I truly believe that one day everything I want I'll have even if it's exactly how I pictured it. So many of us live in a world where its men verse women but there's some who wouldn't even know there's such a war going on. It's all in the way we think I believe that order to have the life I want I have to change my way of thinking. A lot of things have fell into my lap my simply focusing on me. In the end I don't know if I'll be married anytime soon or if ever but I know for a fact I won't have a baby by a man I'm not married to. That's law.... well at my laws for myself I think that it's important for everyone to have a set of laws. When you do there will never be a question of either or because you will already know.

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