Love

 How do you know when you're truly in love with someone? I keep going over and over this question in my head but never get a concreate answer. Now I know God is love because it says it in the bible, but man is flawed. So how would we describe love for man? Honestly if I went by the bible, I don't think I'd ever find love due to that fact that I've done some messed up things to the people I loved before. At this point in my life love is so complicated for me because I always find myself in a one-sided equation... at least that's what I think. There's so many possibles but I'm stuck in between the known and the unknown but is that love? Logic? Every time I've fell in love there's undescribed feeling and every time it feels different but how will I know when he/she is the one? I'm in my twenties right now but in the fantasy world I made for myself I'd always dream to find a long-lasting love young so now it feels like I'm running out of time. If we're going by my fantasy I'm already out of time because I wanted to be married to my high school sweetheart but that will never happen. Anyway, I think I'm still in love with Buddy which makes me so upset with myself. Logically it makes no sense but my heart longs for him more than anything. I keep trying to ignore the feeling since every time I go with how I feel I get hurt. Apart of me thinks he's just as scared to love again as me. That brings me back to the known and the unknown, how will I know if I don't say exactly how I feel? I want to talk to him so bad but there's a strong force holding me back because of the known. I know he's only taken me on one real date after months of messing around. I know he was/is in love with someone else recently and there's a child involved. I know he has left me out in the cold multiple times and even after he apologized, he did it again. So how do I know I love him? People say love is verb, but I think love is everything. A verb yes but also a feeling, a belief, your greatest relief, spiritually intwined and again the unknown. It's like I almost don't have a brain when I'm with him. Back to the question at hand... how do I know? The way I cling on to his every word? The way his touch feels like a warm blanket in the winter. Or is it the way he cares for animals and art? Or the way he cooks? Truthfully, I don't if I can have a definite answer to that question yet. I know what and who I want for sure but pride it so big and my ego is a little fragile, so I don't if I'm ready. When will I be ready? 

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