If my life was a movie.....

 If my life was a movie, it would probably be like the Grinch. Before you right me off hear me out. The Grinch started off innocent in a place he stuck out like sore thumb. The place I stuck out in was own family. I'm the very youngest, I'm what you would call my parents accidentally baby well actually they call me that. They only difference between me and the Grinch is that my heart hasn't got any bigger. In the movie his villain origin story started in school, mines started at home. I don't if it was my dad constantly beating us for simply being alive or my mom never doing anything to help us or my sisters hating me for the first 13 years of life that started my story. I didn't have a snowy mountain to escape to all I had was my mind to escape into. Whenever something bad happened my mind used to go numb now, I guess you can say I blackout. As I got older the physical abuse slowly stopped due to my sisters being able to fight back, the multiple CPS reports and police calls. It's hard to forgive and forget all the things he did. My mom believes because that's her husband and my biological father I should forgive but it's hard. He's still the same person nothing has changed except me; I won't take his shit anymore. Growing up I used to feel so bad for my mom because she would constantly complain about how she can't get away from him. Now that I'm older I realize that was stock home syndrome. In a way I blame her for the abuse because she was the adult, she was supposed to know better. When I was younger, she would tell us about how they were so toxic in college and to watch out for the red flags. It makes me feel like because of her continuous bad decisions we had to suffer the consequences. I love my mom that's why I makes it hard to hard to hate but I do feel like she played victim my whole life as if she played no parts. I've hated my sperm donor since I could remember so he could die slow I don't give a damn. As far my mother while I blind, she was my safe but now I see her for who she truly is. A manipulator because she plays victim, she makes it seem like my sperm donor is always the problem when he's actually dumb and she pulls all the strings. She's a narcissist because she believes she's never wrong. If for any never you have too much proof to prove her wrong, then she'll say sorry but only to quickly blame someone for her actions. The crazy thing is I see myself having some of the same characteristics sometimes. Hell, if you ask Tony, I'm worst most evil bitch he's ever met. But we won't be asking Tony because I hate him more than the sperm donor. The crazy thing is I loved my mother and Tony before I started to hate them so, what does that say about my decision making? What am I supposed to be learning from all this hate in my heart? I don't hate myself so, why do I hate them so much? Anyway, my love life is like Keisha and Tommy from Belly. I fall in love with cheating, lying, scamming, drug dealers. I've been in two relationships in my whole life both of them are street dudes. See in the movie Kiesha accused Tommy of cheating, but he lied and acted like she was crazy. My first ex Dudda was the first man to cheat on me. I think it's safe to say I wasn't prepared for that kind of hurt. Unlike Kiesha though, I cheated back but not fully...this time. I found out he was sleeping with someone I used to be friends with, so I started texting a dude that's been wanting to sleep with me. What's crazy is the cheating isn't even what made us end it was the constant arguing and fighting. My next relationship was with Tony, he helped me get over Dudda. Unlike like Tommy, Tony never could keep some money but at the same time neither can I. Maybe that's why couldn't leave each other alone because we brought the best and the worst out of each other. We met I was 16 at the time he's one of the cutest boys in school. I ended up cheating on Tony with Dudda after I found about 20 girls in his phone. I don't why I don't just leave after I find out their cheating. I guess at the time I thought well I love him, but I can't leave it slide. At same time I think it just gave me pass to do what I really wanted to do deep down.