Can I stop thinking about him

 Maybe I'm dumb but I truly believe if I tell Buddy how I feel he'll take it in and listen. In life they say we have to use our discernment in certain situations.... I think that this is one of those situations. I don't expect anything but for him to listen to what I have to say because at this point these feelings are feeling like a burden. We're grown but I still feel like a scared little girl when it comes to my feelings. I also feel like my life isn't together right now so what's the point of discussing how I feel? Then another part of me feels like if I wait too long, he'll be gone, and I'll have yet another regret. Hopefully he will wait because I can't be around people when my life isn't together not even my friends. I love all of them, but I know one can truly help me through this stage in my life

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

3:18 where have you been?

 In my head ALLLLLL day am I a lame? In my definition of a lame.... yes, I am. I really woke thinking about Buddy. I checked that Instagram page before I brushed my teeth. I miss him so much as if I'm not the one who stopped talking to him. Then again, he did leave me out in the cold... again. Like I said I'm a lame. I need to get more of a life that's not centered in lust. I saw a post escaping lust but it's so much easier said than done. I've been abstinent for two weeks and I keep having dreams of our last time together and I wake up right before I cum. They say you have to run from lust but everything that reminds me of him makes me horny. I crossed my legs and almost came. I hope that by 30 days these feelings are easier to manage because right now feels like hell. I'm on this journey of figuring out who I am. I've accepted the fact that society will always deem me as a hoe because of the decisions I have made but does that really mean I don't deser...
Read more

Today was a good day

 Writing actually helps me get my thoughts together even though I sound like I'm mental in almost every post. I found three potential jobs and plenty of potential places to live. I think I just needed to trip out for a second. Consistency is definitely key, so not only do I hope to maintain this job and not go off the deep end into my feelings, but I also hope to stay abstinent. Now don't get it confused I won't be holding on until marriage but just until I feel like someone sees the true value in me and I feel the same way about them. Until I'll be calling my fingers daddy and telling myself I'm a good girl. In a previous post I was talking about how the past teaches you lessons. Well, this time when I'm on my own I won't let anyone come between my success. I let my good for absolutely nothing ex come over time and time again even though the rules clearly stated no guest, and this man got caught with a gun in the house. Now I do place some of the blame on h...
Read more

Why does it hurt so bad

 I'm in love with a man I know cannot love me back. I think that's what make me love him even more. Sometimes I think I should tell him, but my mind tells me it does not matter because what would come from it? Where would I go from there? I don't think I'm ready for a commitment yet, but I also feel like time stops when I'm with him. Not to be dramatic but it feels like a parallel universe when I'm with him. Like my problems didn't matter as much anymore. And then if I did tell him how I feel what would I say? I think I fell in love the moment I said hello. No because that's corny and no one really believes in those things. I don't why he's on my mind so heavy today....is it the sex? Yes and no, the sex is so good because of how safe he makes me feel. No one will ever fully understand why I don't trust men except me, so I usually don't tell people. I want everything to come to me naturally never forced. His energy is so captivating its al...
Read more