ConfusedTwenties

 I don't know what I want. I always feel helpless when it gets late. Like my emotions are winning the war logic has been winning all day. I want to be seen.... I mean truly seen in a romantic way. I want to be held without feeling obligated to give my body away. I wonder what worry free love feels like. I'm in survival in every aspect of my life right now. My escape use to be sex but now that's not even doing it for me. It's almost like I'm in a limbo faze. Am I too stressed out to really enjoy an orgasm? Now having sex or getting head just feels like a journey of validation from men who don't really care about me. It's sad to admit to myself but I think that's really what it is. I want an escape from reality. So when will I find a new one?

 Around this time I'm always in my thoughts. I fall in love and out of love like a light switch. I wonder is it all real and I just have such a big heart. Or is it all fake and I never knew what real love is? People say all the time that feelings aren't fact but they are real. Honestly what the fuck?!?! It's like I have no clue what to think. I'm wrong if I lean on my own understanding because that means I'm not leaning on God like I should. I'm spiraling and I have no idea where I'm going to land. I make no sense to myself sometimes. Like everything in my life could be going and here I am worried about a man. Don't get me wrong I'm overly sick of my shit. Apart just fiens to be seen by someone. Anyway before I get to far gone let's talk about why I decided to blog again....... Welp you guessed it's bout a fucking man. I realized that I only fall hard for dudes who don't like me as much as I like them and they don't require to be bett...